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The following is
an excerpt from Coming to Our Senses by Jon Kabat-Zinn,
Ph.D.
If, from the meditative
perspective, everything you are seeking is already here,
even if it is difficult to wrap your thinking mind
around that concept, if there really is no need to
acquire anything or attain anything or improve yourself,
if you are already whole and complete and by that same
virtue so is the world, then why on earth bother
meditating? Why would we want to cultivate
mindfulness in the first place? And why use particular
methods and techniques, if they are all in the service
of not getting anywhere anyway, and when, moreover, I've
just finished saying that methods and techniques are not
the whole of it anyway?
The answer is that as long as the meaning of "everything
you are seeking is already here" is only a concept, it
is only a concept, just another nice thought. Being
merely a thought, it is extremely limited in its
capacity for transforming you, for manifesting the truth
the statement is pointing to, and ultimately changing
the way you carry yourself and act in the world.
More than anything else, I have come to see meditation
as an act of love, an inward gesture of benevolence and
kindness toward ourselves and toward others, a gesture
of the heart that recognizes our perfection even in our
obvious imperfection, with all our shortcomings, our
wounds, our attachments, our vexations, and our
persistent habits of unawareness. It is a very brave
gesture: to take one's seat for a time and drop in on
the present moment without adornment. In stopping,
looking, and listening, in giving ourselves over to all
our senses, including mind, in any moment, we are in
that moment embodying what we hold most sacred in life.
Making the gesture, which might include assuming a
specific posture for formal meditation, but could also
involve simply becoming more mindful or more forgiving
of ourselves, immediately re-minds us and re-bodies us.
In a sense, you could say that it refreshes us, makes
this moment fresh, timeless, freed up, wide open. In
such moments, we transcend who we think we are. We go
beyond our stories and all our incessant thinking,
however deep and important it sometimes is, and reside
in the seeing of what is here to be seen and the direct,
non-conceptual knowing of what is here to be known,
which we don't have to seek because it is already and
always here. We rest in awareness, in the knowing itself
which includes, of course, not knowing as well. We
become the knowing and the not knowing, as we shall see
over and over again. And since we are completely
embedded in the warp and woof of the universe, there is
really no boundary this benevolent gesture of awareness,
no separation from other beings, no limit to either
heart or mind, no limit to our being or our awareness,
or to our openhearted presence. In words, it may sound
like an idealization. Experienced, it is merely what it
is, life expressing itself, sentience quivering within
infinity, with things just as they are.
Resting in awareness in any moment involves giving
ourselves over to all our senses, in touch with inner
and outer landscapes as one seamless whole, and thus in
touch with all of life unfolding in its fullness in any
moment and in every place we might possibly find
ourselves, inwardly or outwardly.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Zen master, mindfulness
teacher, poet, and peace activist, aptly points out that
one reason we might want to practice mindfulness is that
most of the time we are unwittingly practicing its
opposite. Every time we get angry we get better at being
angry and reinforce the anger habit. When it is really
bad, we say we see red, which means we don't see
accurately what is happening at all, and so, in that
moment, you could say we have "lost" our mind. Every
time we become self-absorbed, we get better at becoming
self-absorbed and going unconscious. Every time we get
anxious, we get better at being anxious. Practice does
make perfect. Without awareness of anger or of
self-absorption, or ennui, or any other mind state that
can take us over when it arises, we reinforce those
synaptic networks within the nervous system that
underlie our conditioned behaviors and mindless habits,
and from which it becomes increasingly difficult to
disentangle ourselves, if we are even aware of what is
happening at all. Every moment in which we are caught,
by desire, by an emotion, by an unexamined impulse,
idea, or opinion, in a very real way we are instantly
imprisoned by the contraction within the habitual way we
react, whether it is a habit of withdrawal and
distancing ourselves, as in depression and sadness, or
erupting and getting emotionally "hijacked" by our
feelings when we fall headlong into anxiety or anger.
Such moments are always accompanied by a contraction in
both the mind and the body.
But, and this is a huge "but," there is simultaneously a
potential opening available here as well, a chance not
to fall into the contraction -- or to recover more
quickly from it -- if we can bring awareness to it. For
we are locked up in the automaticity of our reaction and
caught in its downstream consequences (i.e., what
happens in the very next moment, in the world and in
ourselves) only by our blindness in that moment. Dispel
the blindness, and we see that the cage we thought we
were caught in is already open.
Every time we are able to know a desire as desire, anger
as anger, a habit as habit, an opinion as an opinion, a
thought as a thought, a mind-spasm as a mind-spasm, or
an intense sensation in the body as an intense
sensation, we are correspondingly liberated. Nothing
else has to happen. We don't even have to give up the
desire or whatever it is. To see it and know it as
desire, as whatever it is, is enough. In any given
moment, we are either practicing mindfulness or, de
facto, we are practicing mindlessness. When framed this
way, we might want to take more responsibility for how
we meet the world, inwardly and outwardly in any and
every moment -- especially given that there just aren't
any "in-between moments" in our lives.
So meditation is both nothing at all -- because there is
no place to go and nothing to do -- and simultaneously
the hardest work in the world -- because our
mindlessness habit is so strongly developed and
resistant to being seen and dismantled through our
awareness. And it does require method and technique and
effort to develop and refine our capacity for awareness
so that it can tame the unruly qualities of the mind
that make it at times so opaque and insensate.
These features of meditation, both as nothing at all and
as the hardest work in the world, necessitate a high
degree of motivation to practice being utterly present
without attachment or identification. But who wants to
do the hardest work in the world when you are already
overwhelmed with more things to do than you can possibly
get done -- important things, necessary things, things
you may be very attached to so you can build whatever it
is that you may be trying to build, or get wherever it
is that you are trying to get to, or even sometimes,
just so you can get things over with and check them off
your to-do list? And why meditate when it doesn't
involve doing anyway, and when the result of all the
non-doing is never to get anywhere but to be where you
already are? What would I have to show for all my
non-efforts, which nevertheless take so much time and
energy and attention?
All I can say in response is that everybody I have ever
met who has gotten into the practice of mindfulness and
has found some way or other to sustain it in their lives
for a period of time has expressed the feeling to me at
one point or another, usually when things are at their
absolute worst, that they couldn't imagine what they
would have done without the practice. It is that simple
really. And that deep. Once you practice, you know what
they mean. If you don't practice, there is no way to
know.
And of course, probably most people are first drawn to
the practice of mindfulness because of stress or pain of
one kind or another and their dissatisfaction with
elements of their lives that they somehow sense might be
set right through the gentle ministrations of direct
observation, and self-compassion. Stress and pain thus
become potentially valuable portals and motivators
through which to enter the practice.
And one more thing. When I say that meditation is the
hardest work in the world, that is not quite accurate,
unless you understand that I don't just mean "work" in
the usual sense, but also as play. Meditation is playful
too. It is hilarious to watch the workings of our own
mind, for one thing. And it is much too serious to take
too seriously. Humor and playfulness, and undermining
any hint of a pious attitude, are critical to right
mindfulness. And besides, maybe parenting is the hardest
work in the world. But, if you are a parent, are they
two different things?
I recently got a call from a physician colleague in his
late forties who had undergone hip replacement surgery,
surprising for his age, for which he needed an MRI
before the operation took place. He recounted how useful
the breath wound up being when he was swallowed by the
machine. He said he couldn't even imagine what it would
be like for a patient who didn't know about mindfulness
and using the breath to stay grounded in such a
difficult situation, although it happens every single
day.
He also said that he was astonished by the degree of
mindlessness that characterized many aspects of his
hospital stay. He felt successively stripped of his
status as a physician, and a rather prominent one at
that, and then of his personhood and identity. He had
been a recipient of "medical care," but on the whole,
that care had hardly been caring. Caring requires
empathy and mindfulness, and openhearted presence, often
surprisingly lacking where one would think it would be
most in evidence. After all, we do call it health care.
It is staggering, shocking, and saddening that such
stories are even now all too common, and that they come
even from doctors themselves when they become patients
and need care themselves.
Beyond the ubiquity of stress and pain operating in my
own life, my motivation to practice mindfulness is
fairly simple: Each moment missed is a moment unlived.
Each moment missed makes it more likely I will miss the
next moment, and live through it cloaked in mindless
habits of automaticity of thinking, feeling, and doing
rather than living in, out of, and through awareness. I
see it happen over and over again. Thinking in the
service of awareness is heaven. Thinking in the absence
of awareness can be hell. For mindlessness is not simply
innocent or insensitive, quaint or clueless. Much of the
time it is actively harmful, wittingly or unwittingly,
both to oneself and to the others with whom we come in
contact or share our lives. Besides, life is
overwhelmingly interesting, revealing, and awe-provoking
when we show up for it wholeheartedly and pay attention
to the particulars.
If we sum up all the missed moments, inattention can
actually consume our whole life and color virtually
everything we do and every choice we make or fail to
make. Is this what we are living for, to miss and
therefore misconstrue our very lives? I prefer going
into the adventure every day with my eyes open, paying
attention to what is most important, even if I keep
getting confronted, at times, with the feebleness of my
efforts (when I think they are "mine") and the tenacity
of my most deeply ingrained and robotic habits (when I
think they are "mine"). I find it useful to meet each
moment freshly, as a new beginning, to keep returning to
an awareness of now over and over again, and let a
gentle but firm perseverance stemming from the
discipline of the practice keep me at least somewhat
open to whatever is arising and behold it, apprehend it,
look deeply into it, and learn whatever it might be
possible to learn as the nature of the situation is
revealed in the attending.
When you come right down to it, what else is there to
do? If we are not grounded in our being, if we are not
grounded in wakefulness, are we not actually missing out
on the gift of our very lives and the opportunity to be
of any real benefit to others?
It does help if I remind myself to ask my heart from
time to time what is most important right now, in this
moment, and listen very carefully for the response.
As Thoreau put it at the end of Walden, "Only that day
dawns to which we are awake."
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