It seems cliché to claim that relationship skills are tantamount to fostering good relationships. We've all heard it. We all know it.  But, for most of us it's a lifelong process learning how to better live in peace in our local and global communities. Knowing oneself and accepting the appropriateness of differences within relationships are the most important keys to living in greater harmony with others. We see bookstores stacked with many relationship self-help books, some of us visit counselors but, more and more people are also learning about astrology as an amazing science and tool which can help us understand our own uniqueness and accept and value the uniqueness of others as well. Whether you're new to astrology or you have a collection of birth charts, you will find value in learning about the Sun's role in our lives, from an astrological perspective, and how you will shift your perspective from seeing "differences" to seeing and appreciating "uniqueness". 

So often we get hurt in relationships when we fail to acknowledge differences. We expect certain types of experiences in a relationship that are consistent with our values, but if we fail to allow for the differences of each of the signs, we make assumptions about others that come from our lens of looking at life, not theirs. One of the great benefits of astrology is that it gives you an opportunity to step outside of your own lens and look at life directly through your partner’s eyes. Reading through all the signs can help you develop an appreciation for the rich tapestry of the entire makeup of the human experience, but first lets explore the nature of the Sun itself, and its significance in relationships

The Sun is the center of our solar system and its warmth and light are the animating force of all life. Plants, animals and humans all require the Sun to sustain their life. Could there be a more powerful statement concerning the importance of the Sun in astrology? Your Sun sign describes your connection to this central source of life—what you need to feel vital. It is also the single most important factor in your happiness. Ideally, you would be in a relationship that supported and encouraged this vital core of your being. Relationships magnify everything—they can bring out the best and the worst of who we are. Developing a strong, healthy identity is hard enough, but to balance that with the needs and pressures of a relationship requires a real talent. 

At the core of your being lies the animating fire of your being. Your Sun sign describes this core truth of who you are and what you need for happiness and a sense of personal involvement in life. To feel fulfilled in life, it is essential that: 1. You are in touch with these qualities within yourself, and 2. Your main relationships provide encouragement and support for these qualities. Being in a relationship that doesn’t honor this part of your character can be simply awful! No Sun, no life. It is that simple. If you have to sacrifice your true nature to maintain the relationship, the price is too high. So choose wisely. 

How do we find our happiness? Thich Nhat Hahn, the great Buddhist teacher and poet says, “There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.” (The Art of Mindful Living, Recorded by Sounds True, *editor note: I don’t have the date) This simple truth is incredibly powerful in its teaching. If you look for that perfect partner who will bring out your hidden qualities of happiness, you put the experience outside of yourself, something to grasp for, to attain. This puts the cart before the horse. Metaphysics teaches us that the outer world reflects the inner world, meaning that if you are searching for your path to happiness, you attract people into your life that reflect this incompleteness. 

To get the horse before the cart, take responsibility for your own happiness. Then you are bringing the fullness of your being, your heart and your love into the relationship; you are not looking for it in the relationship, you are looking to share it there. Read the qualities of your Sun sign in relationships, and ask yourself, “Have I taken responsibility for creating a life that allows me to bring out the best of what I have to offer?” If you find your relationship lacking, ask yourself first if you are following the spark of your own spirit. 

“Physician, heal thyself”, Hippocrates tells us. It is so easy fall prey to the trap of believing that a relationship would improve if your partner would only change. There is no power in this perspective. You have given away your power when you make your happiness dependent on how others treat you. To regain your power, get involved in activities everyday which resonate with your Sun sign. Read the descriptions of your sign and consider ways to get your Sun more involved in your life. Start with activities that you have control over. Then work on integrating more of your happiness into your relationship. The Sun is your joy; others aren’t going to mind it if you become more joyous!

Of course, there is the high road and the low road of every sign. In this light, we will also explore the potentials pitfalls of each sign in relationships. Every sign has its strengths and its weaknesses, and there is nothing in life like relationships to magnify issues we need to work on. Read the Pitfalls section of your sign to get clues as to where you likely need to work on yourself to improve your relationships.

Never settle for less than your basic needs of your sign. You can’t sidestep your Sun and find your path to happiness. It is the path to happiness. 

Sun Signs

Aries 
Aries is represented by the Ram and with its strong horns, it lowers its head down and charges into life. This is Aries’ style in relationships—jump in, go for it, “life is to be experienced!” You flourish in a relationship that allows for your abundant spirit and love of activity. As an Aries, you need to listen to your instincts and impulses to stay in touch with your vital spark. It would be ideal to be with a partner who allowed for your independence by not crowding too close. When unrestrained, the Aries temperament is fiery and passionate, thus you need a partner who can stand up to you and not feel threatened by your intensity. Your “go for it” attitude requires a partner that is up for the adventure, or you end up frustrated—when the Aries call to action is blocked, frustration results. You can’t repress this fiery energy and find happiness; it needs an outlet. You thrive in relationships that allow for your spontaneity. You would love to be with a partner who planned surprises for you, just like you do for others. 

Pitfalls: Impatience, impatience, impatience, in a word, impatience is the number one issue for you to work on to improve your relationship skills. Of course, this is Aries’ test in all areas of life, but in relationships, others can feel pressured by you unless you give them space to operate at their own pace. As with all the fire signs, your defensiveness can also be a problem if you react against any view different than your own. Obviously, this would be detrimental in relationships. Too much projection of self can create an imbalance, no room for receiving. Knowing this, you can consciously choose to quiet your fire so as to better receive another. 

Greatest Gift: Spirit. Life is never boring with Aries around! Your abundant enthusiasm for life can be pure inspiration for others.

Taurus 
Taurus is the connoisseur of the zodiac and your eye for quality is just as evidenced in your relationships as it is with your possessions. You would love to build and enjoy a life of abundance and refinement with your partner. The softer side of Taurus comes out in an affectionate relationship. Taurus is the most sensual sign of all. You are naturally sexual as well, but simple human touch in an affectionate, non-sexual manner is delightful for you. Your core energy deciphers what is the best, what is realistic, what you really want from the myriad of choices available, and then bring it into an enjoyable form.. You’ve got tenacity and then some and seem to know what it takes to make something real. These qualities promise a search for a strong commitment based relationship that you can rely on. You simply can’t tolerate mistrust. If you can’t absolutely rely on a person, forget it, this relationship is not going anywhere. Taurus is a straight up sign; you prefer sincerity to flamboyance; you value the genuine in others. You are steadfast and loyal and would want these qualities in another, as you are seeking to build a secure, solid life with your partner. 

Pitfalls: Stubbornness is the key issue here. Your ability to resist change is your strength when it helps you hold on to what you believe in, but this becomes your weakness when flexibility is required—and in relationships, flexibility is always required. Give some thought to the metaphysical saying, “That which you resist, persists.” Your tenaciousness can be your fatal flaw when you can’t back down from a stance, even when you know you are wrong! Over-attachment, whether it is to possessions, opinions, or others can be very divisive in relationships. The high road is learning how to have strong opinions rooted in your values, while simultaneously allowing others their different views.

Greatest Gift: Your capacity to fully enjoy the moment. When you focus your capacity to fully appreciate life’s experiences onto your relationship, it blossoms like a garden in full bloom. 

Gemini 
Your airy nature requires a life of mental stimulation, and this is nowhere more true than in your relationships. You need ideas and communication like other people need food. Obviously, you would thrive in an open-minded relationship with an easy flow of communication. You crave variety and would value a partner who was open to a constantly changing panorama of life opportunities. You don’t easily settle down, preferring to keep your options open. A relationship that was too restrictive, too patterned and predictable would not allow for your best to shine. At best you are light hearted and whimsical—if things don’t work out in a particular direction, you are open to explore alternatives. You like a partner who doesn’t get bogged done with heavy issues—someone who lets go of the past and gets on with life. Your open and curious mind is naturally flirtatious in the most innocent of ways, and it would be best to be with a non-controlling partner who gave you the freedom to interact with others. You’re not a “dig in for the long haul” type of person, so relationships that become stale are on dangerous ground. Before you abandon ship, first make sure you are doing what you can do to pursue a life that stimulates your appetite for new learning experiences and stimulates growth in relationships. 

Pitfalls: Endlessly second-guessing your life and fearing you’ve made the wrong choice haunts many a Gemini. Your gift is your ability to consider both sides of any situation, but this can easily become your curse when you are trying to maintain a relationship. You can always come up with alternative options and this can split your energy from your here-and-now reality, not allowing you to fully sink into the experience of the relationship in front of you. Yours is the most easily distracted of all the signs (“I’ve got just enough time to get one more activity in, and still make that appointment.”) and this is likely to be a source of endless frustration for those who end up waiting for you!

Greatest Gift: Ideas. A relationship is always enriched by the abundant ideas that come from your avid curiosity about life. 

Cancer 
You are a nurturer and your need to experience life fully with your emotions must have room for expression in your closest of relationships. Up-close and personal, or not at all, is your style. You need to feel involved with you partner’s personal, emotional life. You are meant to feel your way through life, rather than think your way, so you get to know someone through your emotions and feelings. This is where your vitality and life force is the strongest and is essential in your relationships. Your emotional sensitivity doesn’t let just anybody into your inner most circle—you first must trust that others won’t trample on your sensitivities. But when you do allow others into your life, you are the most loyal of all the signs—once accepted, others become as family and that’s that. Although you attach slowly, the Crab’s pinchers hold on tenaciously to that which currently nurtures you—you are terrible with “good-bye’s” and separations. Although gentle by nature, you are a protector and your fierceness comes out if you feel anyone you care for is threatened. Cancer is an affectionate sign and you like to be with someone who likes to snuggle and hug. 

Pitfalls: Cancer’s protective crab shell can all to easily appear defensive to others. You are meant to experience life through your personal emotions, but this can inhibit the free flow of communication. How often have you heard, “You take everything way too personally.”? Try placing your attention on the other person’s feeling behind the words; this will help pull you out of your own feelings. Another issue can be over concern for safety, which is stifling for growth in relationships. Others can feel hemmed in, cramped, when you become over-protective. Allow others their room for growth; your rejuvenated partner will in turn, nurture you.

Greatest Gift: Your emotions are your great gift—learn to create healthy, enriching activities for both “inward” and “outward” phases of your emotional cycles, and you’ll surely help others also learn that it is safe to feel. 

Leo
As in all areas of life, you conduct your relationships with a tremendous dramatic flair. The Sun is the ruling planet of Leo and functions as the center of the solar system. You too, need to be the center of your world, especially in relationships. You don’t play second fiddle or function well as one of the people your partner is dating—that’s not special enough. You need to be front and center in your relationships. Yes, you are meant to be demanding, but you give as much as you demand, and therefore, this is not arrogance; it is your standard. Truth be known, you shine in a relationship in which you are adored! After all, you pour your heart into your relationship and expect the same treatment. You can be a great deal of fun, as that is what Leo is here to teach the rest of the Zodiac—life can be a celebration of the heart. You value a rich personal life and want to share in this aspect of your partner’s life. You take great pride in all you do and this includes your relationships. You want to be in a relationship that you can be proud of and loyalty is a must. 
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Pitfalls: Pride can be an issue. When your pride makes it impossible for you to hear any opinions that do not support your view, this will certainly be disruptive in your relationships. Petty power conflicts become the norm if you still are proving your power. Accept your power. Your power exists on its own, it does not need permission or approval; it just is. As you accept your natural power, your need to be competitive with others drops. Leo can be just awful when not getting their way. Relationships require a constant give and take attitude of sharing and accommodating each other’s needs. When you over fixate on your needs, others can feel diminished, like they are pawns in your life rather than equal partners. 

Greatest Gift: Your heart. Your love is born right out of your heart, not a mental concept. No one will feel more loved than your partner when this outpouring of your dynamic, dramatic, creative wellspring of love is focused on another.

Virgo 
Virgo is known for its discriminating taste and attention to detail like no other sign—Nothing passes your eye unnoticed. The little things matter to you in relationships. You like to do things for people and try to help out wherever you can. It would be ideal to be with a partner who appreciates this. You tend to do more than your share anyway, so you certainly wouldn’t want to be with someone who took advantage. Actually, you are more comfortable with appreciation than adoration. You are sincere and genuine yourself and value these qualities in others. Hygiene is important to you and you’ll likely screen out partners who have been intimate with many others—that is too indiscriminate for you, given all the diseases in the world. You would like to be with a partner who would like to build a life together, do the work to make it happen. Down to earth, practical and realistic, you want a relationship that fits these characteristics. Virgo is a wonderfully sensual and affectionate sign, but again, with discrimination—right time, right place, right person are pre-requisites for romance.

Pitfalls: Your task-oriented approach to life can fill your life with work; squeezing out needed time for relationship activities. Remember to schedule in time for fun and romance, or they will get put off, put off and put off. Your hypercritical nature, with self and others, can narrow your focus to problematic issues in your relationship. What needs fixed? What needs work on? What isn’t perfect? Although this comes with the territory of being a perfectionist, if you let this get carried away, it can make you seem more negative than you really are. 
Virgo falls prey to what I call “preparer’s consciousness”, always getting everything ready to enjoy your life, but never finding the time to actually do it.

Greatest Gift: “A friend in need is a fiend indeed”, is a creed that you live by. You are always there to lend a hand and help out a friend. Your natural modesty rivals this helper theme as one of your great gifts—you can be so real, so natural, so present. This encourages others to drop their airs and just be real as well.

Libra
With your Sun in Libra, you are here to discover yourself though your relationships. We say in astrology that Libra rules relationships, so you, more than most, need to constantly stay attentive to your relationship skills. Venus rules Libra and this influence brings a deep appreciation for beauty, charm, grace—the aesthetics of life. Your vitality and happiness depend on a touch of style and elegance in your life. This influence spreads into relationships and you prefer a cooperative, harmonious involvement with others. You are truly interested in your partner’s point of view and value feedback before you make important decisions. (Decisions are not Libra’s strength.) Romance for you is not purely physical, the mental rapport is just as important—going out for an elegant cultural evening, or dancing, is very romantic for you. Early in life Libra engages it what I call the “empty wish syndrome”: wishing that you never had to deal with people who are unjust or unfair. Empty, because it is unrealistic. The active path of Libra is getting involved with the negotiation process—never settle for less, or more, than what is in your best interest. The high road is to bring honor and integrity into all of your interactions throughout the day. 

Pitfalls: Libra has a tendency to avoid anything unpleasant as if it were the plague! This becomes a problem when your “peace at any cost” attitude leads to you sacrificing what is really in your best interest. You might have a tendency to confuse compromise with cooperation; always adapting to your partner’s needs to create harmony. However, this path does not create harmony, if your needs are compromised in the process. Fulfill the role of Libra: be the negotiator; be clever enough, diligent enough, and persevering enough to make the agreements that honor everyone involved.

Greatest Gift: Sharing. At best, you really understand the give-and-take necessary to sustain an ongoing relationship. Your ideals in relationship are as high as they come, and are reachable if you are willing to go through the process of relationships: negotiating.

Scorpio
Scorpio is known for the deep currents of its emotional nature—“Still waters run deep”, being an apt description of your personality. This is also the level of life that Scorpio would like to share with another; there is nothing superficial about you whatsoever. You steer clear of those who occupy themselves with trivial concerns, preferring passionate, intense relationships. You seem to be drawn to complex individuals, as you get bored with people who are too obvious and predictable. Scorpio has the reputation as the “sex sign” of the zodiac, and it is true that your sexuality can be truly magical with a partner who appreciates your emotional intensity. However, sex is not just physical with Scorpio, the psychological, emotional, and even spiritual levels of intimacy are also important for you. Your vitality is enhanced when you feel attractive and desirable to your partner and the softer side of your love blossoms when trust is impeccable in your relationship. You are much happier in private, one-to-one sharing than you are in large social gatherings. 

Pitfalls: Scorpio has two main issues to work with, both stemming from mistrust: control issues and lack of forgiveness. The mistrust is there because Scorpio’s have had to confront some of the darker aspects of human relationships such as abandonment and betrayal. If you become over-guarded and protective of your vulnerability, you can become manipulative and controlling, always fearing losing the upper hand. But the cost is lack of intimacy—you can’t experience intimacy without risking your vulnerability. The same problem can occur from a tendency to hold on to old hurts with the attitude of “Never forgive, never forget.” The problem being, the jailer and the prisoner are both stuck in the same building, and by holding onto the old issue, you are not free to experience the fullness of the moment. Instead of focusing on the other person and trying to find forgiveness, try looking into the hidden aspects of your own psyche and be willing to ask yourself what you needed to learn from the problematic issue. 

Greatest Gift: Intimacy. At best, Scorpio merges with its partner at such a total level that both individuals are transformed through the experience.

Sagittarius
Sagittarians are known for their fiery enthusiasm for life and adventurous attitude about everything. You are an explorer in life and want a partner who is up for the adventure. You do need your freedom in relationships to explore your many interests. Your ability to frame experiences in a positive light gives you an upbeat, fun-loving and optimistic approach to life. Ideally, you would be with a partner who supports your dreams, but grounded in reality enough to know when you are being overly optimistic. Most Sagittarians have a need to be out in nature to reconnect with their source of vitality, so hopefully you choose a partner who likes to travel and get out and see life. You need a partner who can engage your higher mind; you get bored with mundane reality and prefer the loftier realms of philosophy, religion, the wisdom traditions, politics and other academic interests. You tend to say it like you see it and prefer others to do the same with you. 

Pitfalls: In your insistence on making every experience positive, others can experience you as judgmental, dogmatic and out of touch with reality. In your search for the ideal, you’re missing the real. Your homework is to expand your quest for truth beyond the teachings you assimilated from your family and culture. Look into the various religions, philosophies and political views that are expressed on our planet. Then when you attempt to help others expand their perspective, you will be coming from an expanded perspective yourself. Sagittarians tend to promise the Moon and then fail to deliver. This is not malicious or deceitful, just unrealistic. Jupiter ruled Sagittarians tend to suffer from “Too much-i-tis”—overdo everything, expect too much too soon. A good partner for you appreciates your positive outlook, but also helps you see when your expectations are outreaching reality. 

Greatest Gift: Enthusiasm. Your excitement about the possibilities in life is quite infectious and others often draw inspiration from you. 

Capricorn
Sincerity, loyalty and commitment are Capricorn themes that will strongly affect your choices in relationships. Your “keep your feet on the ground” approach to all of life is just as true in your relationships. You have your standards. You are more willing to wait for the right relationship than get caught up in impetuous love. Fortunately, you do know when you have it good and know how to enjoy it when you do! Your relationships have to fit with the overall structure of your life. You have high standards in all areas of life and it all must work together. You are at your best in commitment-based relationships that hold the promise of building a life together from the ground up, way up. Others can think of you as serious, but you prefer to think of yourself as sincere. Patience is certainly one of your virtues that will be rewarded in your relationships.

Pitfalls: Your organized, task oriented approach is the key to your success, but when it starts taking over in relationships, your love life gets reduced to one of the efficient cogs in the machinery of your life. The right partner could help pull you out of the “all work and no play” life style that you too easily adopt. You can get too serious about keeping it all together and could definitely benefit by having a partner to cheer you up out of your pessimism bouts. Organize some time for spontaneity. Your gift of taking control of a situation pays off handsomely in career endeavors, but becomes a hindrance in your love life. If you are always in control, you never get to experience the magic of deep intimacy, which can only be experienced by surrendering to the moment; letting go of control.

Greatest Gift: Commitment. You are there for the long haul and don’t get jumpy with the first sign of a challenge. At your best, you demonstrate the patience and perseverance that it takes to build a quality relationship.

Aquarius 
Your decidedly mental approach to life requires a relationship that stimulates and challenges your mind. Your natural talent is to rise up above the purely personal view and see things from a larger perspective, thus you lose interest in those who are immersed in their personal emotions. You are like an alarm clock helping others to wake up, challenging conventional thinking and pressing others for their original thoughts. You value originality, in yourself and others. With your genuine interest in people, you make friends easily. Yet, the paradox of Aquarius is that you are at your best when you maintain your individuality and authenticity, so taking a relationship beyond friendship can feel like a threat to your freedom. Aquarius doesn’t seem to fit into the mold that works for everybody else—conventional anything holds little interest to you. You need to experiment in life to find your way, including with relationships. Aquarius is independent, almost fiercely independent, and you need to be in a relationship that allows plenty of room for your needs for freedom. You want your lover to be your best friend. 

Pitfalls: Your need for independence can feel threatened by any movement toward commitment as long as you consider freedom and commitment as mutually exclusive. Yours is the challenge of learning how to maintain your independence within a commitment-based relationship. It’s all in how you do it. You can be responsible, but do it in you own unique way, not sacrificing either. Others can experience your detachment as insensitivity unless you cultivate your listening skills. Although talking about personal emotions and feelings might seem indulgent to you, your friends and partners need this periodically to feel personally connected to you. So for their sake, engage those you love at this most personal level. 

Greatest Gift: Friendship and perspective. You want your lover to be your best friend and this adds to the range of experiences you have to share with another. You also bring a fresh perspective and original insights into all that you do.

 

Pisces

Pisces is the most emotionally sensitive of all the signs and this can be both your greatest gift in relationships, and your biggest downfall. Pisces can be the incurable romantic and, in the right relationship, this can come into beautiful expression. However, in the wrong relationship, you fall in love with qualities that you imagine your partner to have, but are not true in reality. So choose wisely. You are meant to feel everything, and with your sensitivity, you will also directly experience the joys and sorrows of your mate. You are also one of the most forgiving people and you want to choose a partner who won’t take advantage of this. You are quite able to adapt to another person’s lifestyle, and as long as this is not sacrificial, this adds to harmony in your relationships. Your feelings run so deep it can be difficult to find words to express yourself. Therefore, it would best to be with a partner who does not press you to put into words that which cannot be spoken. Your inner world and your spiritual/religious beliefs are the source of your strength and it would be essential to be with a partner who honors this part of your life. 

Pitfalls: All Pisces individuals are prone to various forms of self-sacrifice leading to self-pity—the path of martyr. This obviously would undermine happiness. Pisces is not a big ego sign, but when this humility goes too far and becomes self-denial, and the inevitable “no one understands me” follows. This sabotaging of the self is the low road for Pisces and must be watched for. Another pitfall for compassionate, sympathetic Pisces is to carry the suffering of others as if it were your own. This is the low road again because this essentially adds to the suffering in the world. Learn to develop the skill of opening up to others, even feeling their pain, then bless it and lay it on the lap of the Divine

Greatest Gift: Kindness and support for others is your natural gift. At your best, your love is nearly devotional in its all-accepting ways. When you regularly connect with the source of your faith, you have a never exhausting well of love to share with those you love. 

Copyright (c) 2002  by David Pond.  All rights reserved.